


A Tangled Web of Fire

by Akiko_Natsuko



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Assassination Attempt(s), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Gen, M/M, Memories, Pre-Relationship, Protectiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22623145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: Essek knew that there was more to the wizard's behaviour than meets the eye, but when an assassination attempt after a lesson ends in flames and he catches a glimpse of what lies beneath the surface he is out of his depth. It doesn't mean he's not going to try and help.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss & Caleb Widogast, Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 17
Kudos: 509





	A Tangled Web of Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that if you want to talk to me about my fics and writing, or anime/shows/games in general then you can now find me on discord [The Unholy Trinity](https://discord.gg/sPa25ynH9q).

Caleb was exhausted, but in the fulfilling way of someone that had spent their day working on something they cared about, and even as he smothered a yawn, his mind was still working, still going over the latest spell that Essek had taught him.

The possibilities.

He also couldn’t help but compare how different it was to learn magic from the other man to his earlier education, expression turning pinched at the thought. There was no punishment, no cruel, mocking words that knew just how to slip under the skin like glass, cutting deeper than you realised at the moment, and lingering. If he messed up – an essential part of learning magic – then Essek was unfailingly patient as he explained where he was going wrong, showing him on the rare occasions that a verbal explanation wasn’t enough. And beyond the still ‘undefined’ favours he owed the man, he wasn’t expected to continually pay for this ‘gift’, unlike with Trent, where he had never been allowed to forget what he was being given and who he owed it to.

“Come, I will walk you back,” Essek’s voice broke through his rapidly darkening thoughts, and he turned to see that the Drow was waiting by the door for him, an eyebrow lifted expectantly, just as he had at the end of the last few sessions. That was a new development and one that Caleb was still a little wary of because it suggested that something had changed. That this was no longer a scale of favours and advantages, but something more. It didn’t stop him nodding though, a small smile on his lips as the memories retreated. As wary as he was of this change, he welcomed the extra time with Essek. He knew that some of the others were still suspicious, and it wasn’t as though his suspicions had faded entirely as they had all been tricked and betrayed before, and the situation between them, the Empire and the Dynasty was still a convoluted mess.

But he trusted Essek.

He wouldn’t admit that aloud, not sure that he could admit to trusting anyone outside the Nein just yet, but it was true. He worried about the ‘favours’ he owed and the broader situation, but in the here and now he trusted the other man. Feeling almost safe in his presence as they stepped out into the evening, and the now-familiar dusk of Rosohna.

They didn’t speak today. Sometimes they would continue to debate magic, both dunamantic and other, and Caleb relished the chance to talk about the intricacies that he couldn’t always share with the others. Other times, Essek would tell him more about the dynasty and the city, little details like the best places to find components, history and myth, and when Caleb expressed a particular in interest in something, it had become common practice for Essek to turn up at their next lesson with a book on the topic. That didn’t mean that the silence was unusual or uncomfortable, though. If Essek was buried beneath his own work as Shadowhand, or on days like today when Caleb had pushed himself, the quiet was a welcome balm, as was the unquestioning company.

*

Later Caleb wouldn’t be able to say what had caught his attention.

They were halfway to the Xhorhaus, Caduceus’ tree visible on the skyline, something that had Essek shaking his head and Caleb smiling again. It was home, and he knew that the others would be waiting n him to have dinner and that they would pester him for details of his studying and chat about what they had been up to all day, and it was warm and familiar and safe. He wanted to share that feeling he realised, and he was halfway turned to Essek, intending to see if he could cajole him into joining them again when he tensed.

_Someone is here._

Something in his expression must have alerted Essek because he was turning, magic swelling around him. Caleb was faster. He didn’t know which of them was the target, and he didn’t care. Flames simmered beneath the surface, the familiar sparks dancing to his command even with his exhaustion as he pulled out his cat’s cradle. _Why? Why just when I was starting to feel safe?_ The frustration fuelled him, as did the panic, and he brought his hands down on the ground with more force than usual, fire crackling around him, and he distantly heard Essek saying something, but it was lost to the roar of fire past and present that flooded his ears. Then the flames were streaking away from him, scorching a path across the ground, sweeping around Essek – _protect –_ and slamming into the two figures that had appeared from the darkness, blades glistening in the lights of the city.

They never got the chance to use them.

They clearly hadn’t expected the ambush to be reversed, and they were too slow to avoid the flames that swept over them. Hungry and consuming, burning bright against the Xhorhasian night. Then they were screaming and twisting, batting at the fire and trying to pull away, but it was too late, and Caleb’s vision was blurring before the first of them fell, crumpling in the flames. And the crackling of the fire, became a roaring in his ears, as more voices joined theirs.

His family’s.

_The familiar sight of the burning house looming over him, his mother’s voice fading first although it seemed to linger the longest, louder than the crackling flames and sounds of beams giving way…_

His friends’.

_Light them up pretty. It was so easy, his hands moving of their own accord… the shock and fear on the faces as the others realised what was happening…_

The screaming was building, but he no longer had any idea if it was past or present, and he stumbled back, arms falling slack at his side, even as he saw a third form detaching itself from a building on the opposite side of the road. _Move._ He tried, but the memories had their claws in him now, and he was sinking, burning. The fires wrapping around him, and he felt rather than saw Essek moving just as his mind twisted, tore and went blank.

**

Essek had known that Caleb was skilled with magic, it was why he had agreed to teach him in the first place, and why he found himself enjoying their lessons and debates more than he had ever thought possible. Still, he had been shocked by the speed at which the man had responded to the threat and the ferocity of that response. It hadn’t just been fear though. Caleb’s expression, so shuttered at times, had been an open book at that moment, and while there had been fear and anger, there had been a protectiveness that the Drow didn’t know how to process just yet. The ruthlessness had startled him too, although the scene in the dungeon when Caleb had been questioning the prisoner flashed through his mind as he watched mesmerised as the flames consumed the would-be assassins in seconds.

More movement had him whirling, and even as part of his mind cautioned restraint if only so he could question them first, his magic flared. He wasn’t sure if it was in answer to Caleb’s protectiveness, or his own feelings that he had been studiously ignoring, but in a brutal mirror of what he had done to the woman who had stabbed Caleb in the dungeon, he tore the third – not a Drow he realised belatedly – apart without hesitation. There was blood on his front now, but he ignored that and the dying flames as he listened intently, eyes darting around the street, searching for any sign of more assassins. He could already hear a commotion in the distance and knew that the guards would be there soon, and he sighed, shoulders falling as it seemed as though they were safe for the time being. Having a feeling that he might come to regret how swiftly they had dealt with the threat, even if the alternative was unthinkable, and frowning he started to turn back to the wizard, the silence that had been comfortable before, now feeling oppressive.

“While the assistance is appre…” He trailed off as he set eyes on the wizard, eyes widening as his mask slipped at the sight that greeted his eyes. Caleb was stark white, making his eyes seem larger than usual, and he was swaying as though barely managing to hold himself upright, and for a wild, panicked moment Essek thought an attack had slipped through. _Was Caleb the target?_ He had assumed that he was the target, but… He moved forward to steady the man before he could crumple, but as he did, he noticed something else. The eyes that had been glittering and focused only moments before were dull, and unfocused, as though Caleb was seeing something distant. A feeling reinforced by the fact that he didn’t track Essek’s movement, or even blink as the Drow wrapped an arm around his shoulders, eyes narrowing as he realised how badly the wizard was trembling. “Caleb?”

Nothing.

It was as though he hadn’t spoken, and he frowned, more concerned than he cared to admit, especially as he wasn’t sure how to deal with this… breakdown? Shock? He hadn’t expected either from the wizard, and this reaction seemed extreme, or maybe that was just him. Essek would be the first person to admit that he wasn’t good with social interactions that fell outside the range of his work, and this was firmly beyond that. Yet, his arm tightened protectively around Caleb as the trembling became full-blown shaking that wracked the wizard, a chill settling into the skin that had always felt warm with the arcane fire that simmered beneath the surface.

“Come on,” he murmured, reaching a decision as he heard footsteps rushing towards them. He was still getting to know the wizard – and apparently still had a way to go if today was any indication – but he knew that Caleb wouldn’t appreciate being the centre of attention while he was in this state. The guards would no doubt track him down later, and he could deal with it then when Caleb wasn’t trembling and blank. “Let’s get you out of here.” He glanced towards the Xhorhaus with the glittering tree and frowned. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the Nein to take care of Caleb or to make sure that no other assassins came after him if the wizard was the target, but something in him objected at the thought of handing that responsibility over to anyone else at the moment.

Hoping that it was the right decision, and not just selfishness – a worry he’d never had before – he pulled the unresponsive wizard back towards his own abode.

Caleb allowed himself to be led, clumsily putting one foot in front of another, but Essek knew that it was automatic and nothing more, and he kept the human pressed into his side as he took a carefully meandering route back the way they’d come. He was tense and alert. If there had been one attempt, there could be another, and it was clear that Caleb wouldn’t be able to fight this time, and he kept his other hand tensed, a spell at the ready for the first sign of a threat.

*

Whether, it had just been an opportunity attack, or the assassins hadn’t expected such a ferocious threat, they managed to get back without any trouble, and after a sharp word with the guards and sending a message to the Bastion and the rest of the Nein, he guided Caleb into the safety of his home.

He considered the study for a moment, knowing that Caleb like him found sanctuary in the books, but a glance at the wizard told him that wasn’t what was needed right now and instead he found himself leading Caleb into his bedchamber. With a gentleness he couldn’t remember ever showing anyone else he sat the wizard on the edge of the bed, and crouched down in front of him, dismayed despite himself to see that the blankness was still there. If anything, it seemed more profound than before, and he shifted, uneasy and out of his depth before taking a deep breath and reached for Caleb’s hands. They were cold and trembling, and there was no response as he curled his fingers around them, in an attempt to warm them. “Caleb?” He murmured, keeping his voice deliberately soft as he had a feeling that it was a bad idea to startle the man at the moment. Nothing. He tried again. “Caleb Widogast.”

Caleb blinked.

Essek huffed a sigh of relief as something stirred in the blankness, maybe he could do this. Then Caleb went rigid, eyes going wide and then he came alive, panic colouring his face as he tried to scramble back, breathing coming hard and fast. Caught by surprise Essek let him go, watching as the wizard scuttled back, barely managing to react in time, magic flaring to stop Caleb from toppling over the edge of the bed. The sudden resistance seemed to frighten Caleb even more, because he hunched in on himself, hands rising, looking as though he was torn between clutching at his head, and fending off whatever danger he was imaging.

It hurt to see. It hurt, even more, to realise that he had somehow caused this.

He was more than out of his depth at this point, but he had to do something. A need that he couldn’t name rising as he rose and sat on the edge of the bed, wanting to get closer, but aware that crowding Caleb at the moment was probably a terrible idea. “Look at me,” Essek ordered, gentle but firm. He had no idea what he was doing, but it seemed to work, wild, unfocused eyes slowly rising to look at him, and there was a flicker of something beneath the panic and fear. Not quite recognition, but close and that gave him something to recognise. “Do you know who I am?” It wasn’t until he asked the question that he realised that he was afraid too… that the blankness, and the way that Caleb had been looking through him as though he didn’t exist, had scared him.

“E-Essek…” It was soft and uncertain, whispered between ragged breaths, but it was a beautiful sound right then and he managed a strained half-smile as Caleb blinked at him.

“Correct.” Calm, neutral, just as he was when Caleb asked for clarification on a point in what they were studying, and Caleb blinked again, a bit more life bleeding into his expression. Essek almost regretted it, as anguish – so deep and profound that it threatened to take his breath away – crept into the space left by the fading blankness. “Do you remember what happened?” He asked, not sure it was a good idea to remind Caleb, but desperate to keep him talking. The question seemed to stymy the wizard for a moment, as he tilted his head, blinking sluggishly, and it looked as though he was about to shake his head when his brow furrowed, and he lifted his hands.

“Fire.”

Essek had never heard that word said in such a way, almost as though it was a curse. And he had certainly never expected it from Caleb, as fire seemed to come to the other man even more naturally than dunamancy. Then again, today appeared to be a day for the other man surprising him. “You saved me.” It wasn’t necessarily true, as he was confident that he could have dealt with the situation himself even if he had been slower to react than Caleb. However, he couldn’t forget the protective fury he had seen in the man’s expression, and it seemed a safer topic at the moment.

“I…saved you?” Caleb echoed, sounding lost and disbelieving, and Essek’s eyes narrowed.

He had never been blind to the fact that Caleb had a lot of baggage. It was impossible to miss the shadows in his eyes, the wariness in every line of his body at times, especially in the early days of their lessons as though Caleb was continually expecting something to happen. Then there was the fact that of the Nein, he seemed the most willing to speak out against the Empire even as he sued for peace, and while Essek knew better than most that there were many things that could affect loyalty, from the moment he had set eyes on the wizard in the throne room when he returned the beacon, he had known that there was something more to it. Something deeper and darker and more personal.

He wanted to ask.

He’d been curious before, but now the need to know needled at him, and not just for the sake of information or being able to understand the man in front of him, and his loyalties better. But so that he could help. Caleb was becoming more aware now, slowly sitting up, one hand coming to rest on his chest as he tried to get his breathing under control, but the pain lingered, the blankness threatening to return at a moment’s notice. Essek hated it, but he could also see the set to Caleb’s jaw, the embarrassment colouring his expression as everything started to catch up with him, and he knew that questions wouldn’t be welcomed right now. “Yes,” he said instead. Simple. Honest. It didn’t matter that he could have handled it himself, what mattered was that Caleb had protected him, at some cost to himself, even if Essek didn’t fully understand it.

Caleb took a shuddering breath, but he seemed a tiny bit calmer than before, and Essek would take what he could as he slowly released his magic, trusting the wizard not to fall off the bed now. “The assassins…?” The quiet question told him better than anything that Caleb was coming back to himself, although he still looked pale and shaky, and as though he would rather not know.

“Dead,” Essek didn’t sugar-coat the truth. “I took care of the third, and I am sure that the guards will be on the scene now.” Caleb nodded, eyes crinkling in thought and Essek released a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. He hadn’t been about to lie to the wizard, and he had a feeling that Caleb knew exactly what he had done, even if he wasn’t willing to talk about it. “Caleb…” He faltered, not entirely sure what to say now that the immediate crisis was over, Caleb’s breathing slowly falling back into a regular pattern, eyes shadowed but focused. He wanted to ask, but couldn’t, and small talk – never his strong suit – seemed out of place here.

“I should go…” Caleb whispered, making as though to push himself up, unsteady and arms shaking from the effort, and Essek immediately shook his head, fighting the urge to reach out to stop him. The wizard was always a bit jumpy about touch he’d noticed, and somehow, he had a feeling that would have intensified with everything that had just happened.

“You may stay here tonight,” Essek said, rising to his feet as the urge to reach out grew, not trusting himself not to give in. “I have sent a message to your friends, and until I get to the bottom of which was the target it, I would prefer to have you here.” _Where I can protect you,_ he thought but didn’t say, not sure that either of them was ready for that particular admission.

“But…”

“Please…” Essek hadn’t meant to say it, or for it to sound so pleading and he wasn’t sure which of them was more surprised. “It would give me some peace of mind,” he continued hurriedly, more truth than he’d intended in the words. “Besides, you are exhausted, and I can guarantee that it is quieter than here than it is at your home.” The reference to the chaos that the Nein tended to create, and to the Xhorhaus as his home brought the ghost of a smile to Caleb’s lips, fleeting before the exhausted and stress, and everything else came crashing down. It also seemed to tip the scales in his favour, because after a long moment of consideration and weighing his options, Caleb nodded.

That agreement seemed to break whatever resistance the wizard had left, because he seemed to wilt in front of Essek’s eyes, exhausted and pale, and in dire need of rest. “I will let you sleep, but if you need anything, I will be in my study.” It was a promise and an invitation, a subtle acknowledgement that Caleb’s rest was unlikely to be as restful as they might both wish. It was also something he couldn’t have imagined himself offering someone before today, which was more food for thought.

“Thank you,” Caleb whispered, and Essek nodded. Aware that Caleb meant for more than just letting him stay, but not commenting, relieved that the wizard hadn’t mentioned favours tonight, not sure that he would have been able to stop himself from saying the thoughts swirling around in his mind. Realising that Caleb was still watching him, and was unlikely to relax until he was gone, for all their new understanding, he moved towards the door.

“And Caleb?” He found himself unable to leave, turning back to look at Caleb who froze in the middle of unfolding himself from his hunched position.

“Ja?”

“If you ever want to talk…” He trailed off, not sure what else to offer, and although Caleb didn’t reply, there was an easing in his expression. Not quite a smile this time, but Essek understood that was probably beyond him at the moment, and he bowed his head before slipping out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him, and leaning against it as he took a shuddering breath.

_What am I doing?_

Somehow, Essek doubted he would be getting any rest that night.


End file.
